Problem 2 of n^2.

The vendor is clearly an alien from planet Zar'tog! More later...

This morning I was woken by my IFA asking for more details on my finances. It seems that the mortgage lender is not satisfied with my income details, and needs to see the last three years of audited accounts anyway. WTF? The whole point of going to this IFA was that I didn't need to do that. What is particularly galling is that I got my accountant to leave those details on my voicemail, transcribed them to my laptop and deleted the message, then my laptop crashed and I'm going to have to go back to him and get the figures once more. Shit I work with computers and didn't back up my work. IT Rule 1: Always backup frequently. DUH!

On top of that I'm now going to have to get my accountant to do the last years accounts early as last year was a bumper year, and I want that included in the calculations, not 2001 when the "Great Contractor Market Crash of '01" occurred! (Thank you OBL and your Al Qaida buddies!)

Back to the vendor bizarreness once more... Money-Man contacted me this morning and said that the vendor was demanding proof of my address and proof of my identity. Apparently required for anti money-laundering reasons. (Yes, I thought "WTF?" too.)

I asked if this was the next stage and they were accepting my offer on the property.

Apparently not....

My initial response was to get very pissed off, but I bit my tongue and clarified, that after yesterday's nonsense with their way of negotiation, they were now not accepting my offer, but expecting me to start jumping though hoops for them.

Apparently so....

Good grief these guys really are from another planet, do they not know how business is done here on Earth?

Long story short, I dropped by the office after I had had my lunch, and gave them a bank statement (with a £125K balance, hopefully they will stop titting me around now, when they see I have cash to buy) and my passport to copy for the vendor.

Once the copy had been made, I then made it clear that any further nonsense and I would be withdrawing my offer. I want a quick and painless sale, that was why I was only looking at empty places, and if the vendor continued to play silly buggers, I would be looking elsewhere.

I got a call from the employment agency and the interview has been set for Monday at 4PM, all mojo gratefully received.

This evening I phoned up the IFA and left a message (another five o'clocker) saying that I had contacted my accountant and he would be prepping the figures for next week.

This is a lie, all I got was my accountant's voicemail and the bugger never called back. Time for a new accountant, I've had this guy for 10 years and he has been pissing me off for the last six of them!

Shortly after that I got a call from Rapport indicating that the details were with the vendor, but since the vendor is a business, they would be closed for the weekend, so not to expect any progress until Monday. Rapport also let slip however, I am the only person though his estate agency to have put in an offer, and that neither of the other two estate agencies had put any offers in.

This means I'm in the driving seat, as far as I'm concerned.

Reading between the lines, I'm going to take it that the offer at £340K has been accepted and due diligence is being done to make sure I'm good for the cash by the vendor before they take the proposal to the actual property owner.

If this is the case, and I'm the only person with an offer in, during a falling market, especially as the market is so slow (three months ago this place would have only been on the market for a matter of days and sold within the week), I'm going to take it that I am the person in control with this game, in which case when they do come back with a formal acceptance of my offer, I think I'm going to drop the price a couple of K, just for prating me about!

What the hell, the market dropped 1.1% last month which means the place is devaluing at the rate of £950/week by my calculations based on their asking price, well these guys have made me wait a week right?

Also I think I should point out, I said my new offer was £340K, I didn't reiterate ignoring the first £3K of damage/repairs from the surveyors report bit, so we will be renegotiating no matter what, when the surveyor's report comes through, don't worry I'll be clawing that £5K back. :)

From Monday next week I shall be calling myself, "Msr. Reynard", or maybe, "The Cynical, Analytical, and Game-Playing Bastard" :D

Suggestion for readers: Never get into a negotiation/conflict situation before you find out who you are up against, in this case my opponents would be much better off knowing that I have a PhD relating to Artificial Intelligence, a large part of which comes from writing and developing Game Theory simulations. Unluckily for them, they don't know that do they! ;-)

I must make an effort not to get too big headed, they know the market, I just know the games!

Right, now for a pleasurable and most relaxing weekend. No more thoughts of all things home purchase related until Monday when I go for the interview...